lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary

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This is the Birthday that Never Ends

Holy Mother of GOD, I love a birthday that keeps on giving. Received last night from Abbie: A Quagmire pub glass, covered in his horrible horrible pick-up lines; A tall pillar candle with a great earth-toney glass holder, which may be the classiest thing I own; A gift card to Lane Giant gift card; and Trivial Pursuit, Literary Edition. From Jamie (in addition to an iTrip I already got and end tables I will soon be getting [since I am the Queen of England]): a digital drawing tablet and pen for my computer. We call it the magical pen, because IT IS MAGICAL. From my sister, today: A jiant jar of jelly beans. Jiant. With a J. Because that's how jinormous it is. I may be shitting jelly beans for the rest of my life.

11:20 PM - 27 October 2005

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Hotstrato, You Mean!

If you know what's good for you, you'll go here and play the video for "Bad Day."

12:28 PM - 22 October 2005

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Notes to Self


  1. Avoid flaky lesbians (the only kind of lesbians I ever seem to meet).
  2. Refuse to do business with grown women named "Pixie."
  3. Find another fucking apartment. Gah.

9:00 PM - 17 October 2005

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Hyappy Byirthday!

It does not get any better than this. Link your friends and enemies to my diary, guys. Today is the first day of the rest of Carol Channing's life. (Please right click and select "Save As," rather than loading it directly.) Big "ups" go to "Danielle" over at "JoeParadox" for being my "brotha" "from" "anotha" "motha" and hosting this file.

Without further ado, here ya go: My Birthday Gift

6:48 PM - 11 October 2005

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Birthday Presents So Far (In Order of Receipt)

Thanks to the girls in the mailroom, whose mission is to make my life miserable, I arrived at work to find my desk decorated in "Happy Birthday" banners and pictures of clowns and fish. But like publicity, any attention is good attention, even if it is a direct result of having exposed your two weaknesses to coworkers.

Then, of course, everyone in the company saw the spectacle and wished me a happy birthday.

We did cake (or, in this case, pie) today, instead of Monday like I thought (long story), and I got sung to. Also, one Miss Carol Channing called me at work and left me a birthday voicemail (we're working on getting this into a sound file so you can play it). Then, Mark, who puts together our daily playlist, had a bunch of birthday songs for me, INCLUDING NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK'S "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" DONNIE, I AM SO YOUNG! CALL ME!

Then Jamie took me to dinner, and GAVE ME AN ITRIP. ITRIP. THE VERY BEST ACCESSORY FOR THE VERY BEST PIECE OF FRIVOLOUS TECHNOLOGY EVER. That should be their slogan. I tried it out already (after a frantic 20-minute search for my iPod that ended in... the trash? I know; I'm an idiot) and IT ROCKS. Also, pots and pans from my mom, but I got those like, 2 months ago. I'm very close to moving out. Squee!

10:51 PM - 07 October 2005

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What Best Friends Do Not Do


  1. Let you do all the work.
  2. Step all over your lines.
  3. Offer to get the crowd to sing "Happy Birthday," then
  4. Forget, making you remind him.
  5. Announce "Hey, everyone, it's Sandy's birthday tomorrow. Sing 'Happy Birthday' if you want to," then just stand there.

    10:30 PM - 06 October 2005

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    OPEN LETTER TO EVERYONE LIVING IN THE CENTRAL WEST END AND OWNING A DOG

    DEAR CENTRAL WEST END:

    IF I LOOK UP FROM MY WOEFULLY INEPT PARALLEL-PARKING EXTRAVAGANZORAMA ONE MORE TIME TO FIND YOU STOPPING TO WATCH ME WHILE YOUR DOG PULLS INSISTENTLY ON THE LEASH, I WILL PERSONALLY GET OUT OF MY CAR (NO MATTER ITS POSITION IN AND/OR OUT OF THE STREET), KICK YOU IN THE NADS, THEN RESUME MY HILAAAAAAARIOUS PRODUCTION OF "THAT GIRL LIVES IN THE SUBURBS."

    Thanks bunches,

    Sandy

    11:59 PM - 04 October 2005

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    Why This Diary Suddenly Sucks (Ahahaha)

    I understand that I've completely neglected this diary. Bear with me. The fact of the matter is that my supergold expired a few days ago, and it was with ferociously gritted teeth that I renewed for three months. A month ago, I purchased what would seem to be all necessary components for a website (sandyolive.com, natch) except I have no idea what to do, no layout, no understanding of what SQL or PHP are, and therefore, no website. As I did one month ago, I hope to have these problems ironed out within one month. This is hard, owing to the fact that my once boring, sit-around-and-pick-my-ass life has exploded thanks to trivia night (8 pm Thursdays at Lemmons at 5800 Gravois, bring your friends, form a team, you could win beer).

    Anyway, the diary suffers, the diary business thrives. If you know where I misquoted that from, you get 3 points on the imaginary scoreboard in my head.

    12:06 AM - 02 October 2005

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    A Sentence I May or May Not Have Said to Jamie on the Phone Today

    "The Magic 8 Ball I keep at my desk said I'm going to find a boyfriend tonight so I have to go to Walgreens at lunch and buy some makeup."

    12:51 PM - 29 September 2005

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    Overstock Warehouse

    Sorry this one is late.


    12:23 AM - 26 September 2005

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