lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Freak Out '05 I am the most disgusting person alive. I know, right now you�re thinking, �Nuh-uh. I have brothers.� But trust me; your brothers have never been as unintentionally gross as the story I�m about to tell you. When I was diagnosed with PCOD, my doctor asked me if I�d experienced any increase in body hair. �Especially,� he said, �on your stomach?� MY DOCTOR WAS ASKING ME IF I HAD A TREASURE TRAIL. I assured him that I, in fact, did not. And I hadn�t noticed anything out of the ordinary as far as hair growth was concerned. (Hair loss is a different story. Somehow I�ve escaped the trap of thinning hair, even though I lose enough in one day to crochet myself a sweater. I have to keep a lint roller at my desk to de-fur myself at least twice a day.) Fast forward to last night. I�m sitting on my couch, watching Dancing with the Stars. (Don�t you judge!) I notice that I have a hell of a zit at the base of my neck, so of course once I notice it, I can�t leave it alone. (This is just Exhibit A in the case of the State of Missouri vs. Sandy for the charge of gross grossness.) So I�m sitting there picking, and I happen upon a hair. It�s long enough to grab hold of (I KNOW! Exhibit B!), so I do, and I yank that sucker right out (Exhibit C). Grab hold of yourself here, because Exhibits D, E, and F are going to come fast and furious. D: IT IS WHITE. Pure, snow white. Not grey, not brown (like the rest of my hair), but white like the snow-capped peaks of the Rocky Mountains. E: IT IS TWO INCHES LONG. I have freakishly tiny hands, and this hair is as long as my pinky finger! And finally, F: IT CURLS AT THE TIP. Three little swirls, forming a tiny corkscrew. I have to call my sister immediately. But she�s out with my mom; I have to settle for DS. His reaction of �Uh�okay� just reminds me why I wanted to call my sister. I hang up with him immediately, and call Kathy, my second-string sister (in matters as gross as this, only one sister will do). NOT HOME! I know Karin wouldn�t quite get it, so I�m holding the phone in my hand mulling over my options when Karin calls. �I HAVE TO GET LISA TO WAX MY BACK� I shout by way of greeting. �Ew.� �I know.� That was about it on the subject of Big White Back Hair �05. It�s now a full 15 hours later and I have yet to get a hold of Lisa. When I do, I have one thing to say to her: �Get out your tweezers, a static-y balloon, and a bright lamp!� 10:23 AM - 30 June 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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