lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Big Vent I was going to create a private folder for this entry so Deadsoon couldn't see it, but frankly, that was just too big of an ordeal with me to mess with right now. Also, though most of this is stuff I would never say to him, it's probably good for him to hear it. The fact of the matter is that for the last month or so, he has been having headaches, which, when he is taking his blood pressure medicine regularly, is unusual for him. I told him to see his doctor, but he put me off and pretty much ignored my advice. We were at lunch the other day, and somehow the topic of conversation turned to Luther Vandross. DS mentioned that he was freaked out about having had constant headaches, since Luther had had those right before he had his stroke. I told him, again, to make an appointment with his doctor, and he waved his hand dismissively, telling me that he wasn't having the headaches anymore. Fast forward to last night, when he called me at work, scared. The headaches were back (shocker), along with vomiting. This is a classic sign of blood pressure issues, and usually a precursor to his being admitted to the hospital. I suppressed my frustration and told him, through clenched teeth, that he needed to call his doctor first thing this morning, and get in today to see him. His answer? "I just don't know what to do." I kind of lost it then, and yelled, "DO WHAT I JUST TOLD YOU TO DO." He whined about my yelling, and I apologized. Then we hung up. I spent my drive home last night planning his funeral, and wondering who I should ask to be pallbearers. I woke up early this morning to make sure he called, and to make sure he knew to tell them that it was an emergency and that they must fit him in. He asked me to call, which was just as well, because I'm a control freak, and wanted to make sure he got in at a suitable time, since I have to take him. His appointment is in two hours. I was telling my mom last night, I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I understand that he suffers from a condition that does not afford him much in the way of hope for a long life, but why on earth would anyone want to shorten their time and lessen their chances? If you know that a headache, which is relatively harmless for others, can mean the possibility of a stroke for you, why wouldn't you get it checked out as early as possible? I know it's not a picnic for him, but I feel like he's being selfish, wallowing in self-pity and leaving the rest of us to deal with it. If he had made this appointment a month ago, I wouldn't have to be taking him. I wouldn't have had to call for him. I wouldn't have had to crawl up his ass to make him go. I know the easy answer is to just leave him to his own devices and not get myself worked up over it, but I can't do that. Especially knowing that whatever the end result is going to be, I'm going to have to take care of it. I guess the bottom line is, I'd rather be taking him to the doctor today than planning his funeral. 10:34 AM - 08 January 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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