lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I WON'T Sail Away! The way I see it, I'm going to hell anyway; I might as well weave myself a nice little handbasket on the way, right? It's not like I'm Hitler or anything, so any added damnation bonus points I get tacked on are probably just going to make the difference between getting my eyeballs pecked out by crows for all eternity and getting them picked out in addition to having to listen to anything by Enya. Clearly I'm willing to risk the Enya. If asked about this incident when I die and am being judged, I will claim complete innocence, using the inability to control myself as my alibi. Because dude, I could not help it. Before I tell you this story, I want you to put your right hand up in the air like you're taking an oath. Now put the hand at a right angle to your arm, as if you're about to walk like an Egyptian. Curl up all your fingers except your index and your middle finger, then wiggle them up and down alternately. Now, when I yell "Snap!" at the appropriate time in my story, you do that, and tell me you aren't laughing too. And away we go. DS and I were leaving my house yesterday to make a lemonade run for him to Oberweis. I had grabbed my keys but forgotten to lock the front door, and I was already in the driveway. "Hey," I said, "Will you lock the door?" DS nodded and turned around to do just that, when suddenly he got this shocked look on his face. His mouth became a complete perfect "O", and he went down. He fell. I started to run to help him when I looked down where he was, and -- SNAP! Dude, those are his legs. That's all I could see sticking out of my house. I completely lost my shit, and started laughing so hard I had to run away. I heard him laughing too, so I knew he was okay, but I had to run even farther away because when I get laughing like that, if I hear someone else laughing, or see them laughing, I'm liable to wet my pants. So I had to run, see? And I couldn't help laughing; anyone who has grown up in the Catholic Church and has attended Mass every week for any length of time will tell you that laughing is an involuntary response to a stimulus. I thought I was under control, and I moved toward DS. I was in no way in charge of my faculties, though, and I had to bend over and put my hands on the porch lest I fall myself. That's when my dog got her nasty-ass breath right in my face, making me laugh even harder. So I got up, staggered toward DS again, and had to support myself on this little plant stand my mom has on the porch. At this point, DS was recovered to the point of sitting up and screaming at me for laughing. I did my best to compose myself and helping, but he grumped that he could get up on his own, which he in fact did. And I continued to laugh. We got in the car and headed to Oberweis, and I continued to laugh. On the way home, I laughed some more. I was still laughing when we got into my house. Clearly I was unable to stop myself from laughing, and I mean, I knew he was okay because he laughed, so I mean, I'm not in for an eternity of Enya, right? Right? 10:28 PM - 15 January 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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