lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary


I'll Give Ya Crazy, But Not SUPER Crazy

Lately, I suck at my job. Everything there is to do at my job, I suck at. In the past week, I've had engineers stare, dumbfounded, at how incredibly careless and stupid I could be. At leat one mistake I made, that I know of, I made it not just once, oh no, but twice. The guy sort of laughed at me, astonished, I guess, at my stupidity.

I choose to blame it on my medication roller coaster. I'm thinking of getting a new psychiatrist. I like my current one, who is Indian (dot not feather) but I don't want to go to her office every time a drug doesn't work, and she doesn't ever seem to understand me over the phone. The thing is, she's switching me from drug to drug, boom, and I don't know if that's a good idea. My sister told me tonight that I can't just jump off the drug I've been taking for three days, Wellbutrin. My psychiatrist never told me that (and on the last drug, Strattera, the side effects got so weird and disruptive on a Saturday that I quit it, so, I mean, it's not outside the realm of possibility that I would have to just drop a drug) and I don't want to deal with asking her over the phone, because then it becomes this whole "No, not CHAIR! Bear! Hair! Oh... never mind" scenario that I just cannot handle right now. Why is it that times like these are when you need your sanity the most? 'Cause I'm running short here.

Anyway, I haven't gotten into any direct trouble for my complete flake state at work, due, I suspect, to some deft handling on my immediate boss's part. On the other hand, I got REAMED today for talking too much. Which might mean I'm SUPER crazy, since no one else got in trouble. Who am I talking to? Who's talking back? Since it's no one else, it must be the folks in my head.

To whom I'm talking.

When I'm fucking up all my work.

Folks, don't be crazy. It's HARD!

11:33 PM - 04 May 2005


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