lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary


Killer Queen

You may have heard about this. I know I have, and I'm none too pleased.

I don't like anyone on this album, except for Flaming Lips and Jason Mraz, and even he's a guilty pleasure. I feel like the memory of Freddie Mercury is being dishonored here. I get it, I'm old, but part of the problem may be that the producers of this album got who they could. Whoever was cheapest, whoever is very "now," whoever is up-and-coming and could use a little old-school cred to boost album sales. Basically, this is an album full of colossally wrong choices. One of the greatest tribute albums of all time, Two Rooms, is composed almost entirely of established acts. The reasoning here is clear: Teenagers aren't running out to buy Elton John CDs. And, as much as it pains me to admit it, they aren't collecting Queen CDs like baseball cards, either. So they're really gearing this CD to the wrong audience, not to mention the fact that a bunch of maybe-gonna-make-it bands calling Queen an influence is hardly a ringing endorsement.

Since you asked, I'm here to tell them who they should have gotten.

My Dream Queen Tribute Album

Bohemian Rhapsody by Flaming Lips (well, they got one thing right)

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Jason Mraz (all right, two things, but that's it!)

Good Company by Barenaked Ladies (I'm not a huge fan, but I think the song fits them.)

Tie Your Mother Down by U2

39 by Fountains of Wayne

Hammer to Fall by Weezer

Seven Seas of Rhye by Green Day

One Vision by David Bowie

Body Language by No Doubt

One Year of Love by Annie Lennox

Keep Yourself Alive by Prince

Radio Ga-Ga by Beck

You're My Best Friend by Sting

Don't Stop Me Now by Sugar Ray

Who Wants To Live Forever by Counting Crows

11:34 PM - 12 July 2005


Freaked Out!

I talked to my first real client on the phone tonight. The DVD was already paid for, but it was so weird, telling this lady what I would do, how it would be done, what I needed her to do... It's like a real grown-up job. Scary!

10:53 PM - 12 July 2005


Nerdier Than the Librarian

I go to the library tonight to pay the fines on a couple of CDs I'm late with, and the woman says, "Okay, who is... Autobiography by?" and I kind of mumble, "Ashlee Simpson" and roll my eyes.

The woman laughs. "You don't have to be embarrassed."

"I kind of do."

Then I told her how I get CDs out of the library so I don't have to pay $1 for downloads. And then, this librarian lady with her frizzy mini-fro says "Yeah, ever since I got 'hip' [you could hear the finger quotes!] to the iTunes, my husband will be like, 'What's this $3.97 on the Discover card?' and I'm like, 'Whoops! I guess that was the new White Stripes song!'"

Like, how sad is it that not only is the librarian trying to be cool and failing miserably, but she ends up coming off cooler than me?

12:28 AM - 12 July 2005


Bobby Brown's Celebrity Playlist

I found this on iTunes, and at first I was like, We all know what he's listening to: The sound of his septum deteriorating. Then I thought, Who gives a shit what Bobby Brown is listening to? But then I was like, I DO! I give a shit! And my friends, I'm glad I did, because this is AWESOME!(And you guys, you can't just drag and ctrl+c this shit; I had to copy it by hand, so you know just how much I love you.)

Bobby Brown's Celebrity Playlist

Bobby Brown, GRAMMY Award-winning recording artist and star of the new unscripted series [read: reality show]Being Bobby Brown premiering June 30th on Bravo. [This is a long one, folks, probably oweing to all the "keepin' it real" Mr. Brown does. You can't "keep it real" without a soundtrack.]


"I Was Made to Love Her" by Stevie Wonder (Track 1): "That's the way love goes. [Um, that was a Janet Jackson song.] Thank you Stevie." [I love the way he totally name-drops here, like talking directly to Stevie. Like even if Stevie could see this he'd want anything to do with Bobby Brown's Celebrity Playlist. Like, you just know that Bobby got to meet Stevie Wonder back in 1983 when he and the rest of the fellas in New Edition got to perform at the GRAMMYs and maybe Stevie was presenting an award or something, so from then on, Bobby Brown has always been like, "Oh, Stevie? Yeah, we go way back."]

"Superstition" by Stevie Wonder (Track 2): "Everything is real and keep it real." [Yeeeah. If I were Stevie, I'd have all my personal bodyguards on the look out for a strung-out black man mumbling the words to "Operator."]

"Something in Common" Bobby Brown & Whitney Houston (Track 3): "Cause we're ordinary people." [Who do lots of drugs. And come ON! IT'S HIS OWN SONG! Who sits around listening to their own music? Masturbation takes less time, and it probably feels better! Though granted, it is a bigger mess.]

"Sunday Afternoon" by Bobby Brown (Track 4): "Self explanatory. It's about happiness." [The happiness you feel when scoring a hit.]

"Happy Days" by Bobby Brown (Track 5): "Another song that I love from the Forever album. For the most part I produced the whole thing. I worked with a lot of good producers Tim & Bob [sic]." Oh for Christ's sweet sake. Do the rest of us have to stay in the room while you masturbate, Mr. Brown?

"Still" by the Commodores (Track 6): "I sang this song. [Well, of fucking course.] It's on my upcoming LP. Thank you Lionel, I hope I did you justice."

"Home Again" by New Edition (Track 7): "This was the first song we did for the Home Again album. I really love this song because it was with New Edition." [Bobby Brown to bodyguards: "Be on the lookout for a strung-out black man mumbling the words to 'Operator'.... oh."]

"You Were Meant for Me" by Donny Hathaway (Track 8): "I love it because he was a pioneer artist who was meant to be. Love the music." [I... don't even know what that means. I'm going to say that "Donny Hathaway" is Bobby Brown's alter ego.]

"I'll Be Good To You" by... three guesses (Track 9): "It explains Being Bobby Brown." [Then I guess we can expect lyrics like, "I was down on my luck, had no money for my drugs, so I did an unscripted series with a bunch of Bravo thugs."]

"Paid In Full" by Eric B. & Rakim (Track 10): "That's just my anthem." [Say it with me now, kids: Not according to your dealer, Bobby!"]

"Kiss" by Prince (Track 11): "Prince is one of my favorite artists. I don't think there is anyone better. Prince is the ultimate artist." ["And he's my best friend! We hang out all the time at the Purple Palazzo or whatever he calls it!"]

"Oh Yeah, It Feels So Good" by New Edition (Track 12): "A great song to perform. We started the concerts off with this song." [Back when there were more than 8 people at a show and the title wasn't ironic.]

"Black or White" by Michael Jackson (Track 13): "Michael I love you. World, it truly doesn't matter if it's black or white." [First of all, look alive, World! Bobby Brown's talking to YOU! And it doesn't matter if what's black or white? Because if it's the whites of your eyes, it does matter.]

"My Prerogative" by Bobby Brown(Track 14): "The best song in the world written by me. My song, not Britney's." [YESSSSSSSSSSS! Who wants to take bets on who would be the first one out in a spelling bee featuring Britney and Bobby, where "prerogative" was the first word?]

"Meantime" by BeBe & CeCe Winans (Track 15): "Thank you family. Inspirational music that you give us." [First off, what? Uh, thanks, Yoda. And secondly, you know the Winans are all just keeping their holy mouths shut until Whitney comes to her senses.]

"Take It Slow" (Track 16): "In life that's what we all must do." [Because if we don't, we run out of drugs before we get the next royalty check.]

Possibly the saddest part of this entry is that I'm going to go download "Every Little Step" now.

11:46 PM - 11 July 2005


An Open Letter to the Folks at Veet

Dear Manufacturers of Veet:

My body is on fire from the waist down.

Thanks a bunch, bitches.

11:04 PM - 11 July 2005


And This Is Why I Needed To Do Blog Style

I know I should take my ball and go home, but I'm quite frankly too lazy to leave Diaryland. At any rate, I'm paying someone around $600 in August (hopefully) to create a website for me, and I may just move my blog there then.

This is your weekly update to what is going on inside my head.

12:52 PM - 10 July 2005


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