lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Damn You, Late-Night Television! I just got finished watching what may be the best thing I've ever seen, or will ever seen on television: Tonight's episode of Elimidate. This is a show that I have a love/hate relationship with. It can't even be categorized as a guilty pleasure, because I do actively hate it, yet I can't turn away. It's like watching a big skanky car wreck. At any rate, I tune in about ten minutes into the episode, as the first girl is getting bumped. The remaining three girls and the guy go to a club called "The Oz." I'm like, Oh, hm, there's a nightclub with the same name here. That must be a popular name. Except not, because at the end, they give special thanks to it, and it is actually the same place. So, you were wrong if you thought that all the hoes moved to LA just to be on these shows; some of them stay in their hometowns and wait for the shows to go on the road. It's probably a financial decision, since the skankwhore market in LA is pretty saturated. (Oh my gosh! It says on the Elimidate website that Ho-meo is a musician. I wonder if DS knows him. I am DYING!) So, we're down to three girls. One of them is sitting on one side of the guy ("Ho-meo"), and I marvel at her ability to cross her legs in the skirt she's wearing without showing any ass. It must be some serious trompe l'oeil, because it isn't possible to sit like that without anything making an appearance. The other two girls are on the other side of Ho-meo, and they start making out, and then he jumps in. The first girl, who I'm warming to despite the fact that I actually have to resign my vagina if I like anyone on the show, looks totally put out. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fruit flies that come sailing out of �berho's crotch every time she shifts. Ho-meo dumps mystery girl because she's boring, which is reasonable I guess, despite her involvement in the baiser a trois. She hadn't said so much as a word since I started watching. Of course, that might have something to do with the fact that �berho just keeps talking about her many accomplishments, including having her pilot's license, having gone to medical school ("to pick up the bra that I left in my one night stand's dorm room" is the half of that sentence that was edited out), having lived in a hotel for six months (Mommy, that's what I wanna be when I grow up!), and, most sadly, having borne a child. This is where I start to like Marginally Likeable more than I can like myself for, because she says she's sorry to see Boring girl go, since she liked her. If you can admit you like one of your competitors on Elimidate, then you are in a class all your own, somewhere between despicable attention whore and the people who watch shows like this. I don't know what that says about you. So it's down to �berho and Marginally Likeable. At this point, the folks get dooooown on the dance floor. All is fine at first, nothing dirtier than what you'd see at any bar on the Landing on a Saturday night. Then again, considering I once saw, at the Morgan Street Brewery, a girl so drunk she had two guys sucking on her nipples, that's not saying much. Anyway... Suddenly, �berho drags Ho-meo over to these steps, and she starts doing X-rated monkey bar tricks for him. Basically, she's air-humping, which is kind of like air guitar, but way more likely to get on late night television. As she performs this bizarre exercise, the fruit flies buzz away, thrilled to be gone from their disease-ridden prison. Then Ho-meo interviews that he's gonna get action from both girls, he just has to decipher who's telling the truth. Yeah. First of all, classy. Second of all, I bet the woman who looks like she's been forced to live every day of her life twice is telling the truth about being educated. What with all that extra time on her hands, she had to find a way to fill the days. Ho-meo makes the right choice, ditching �berho for ML. I just hope she can remember where she parked her airplane. 12:32 AM - 06 February 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||