lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Always Something to Pout About So, yeah. Called in to work, went to my aunt's birthday party. On one hand, I'm glad that I did, but on the other hand, I wish I had just gone to work. I find myself harboring a growing distaste for everything my mom says, does, and thinks, with special regard for me. Let me count the ways: I came home from work and told her the story of how DS is probably going to have to sell his apartment (more on that in another entry), and he asked if I would want to get a place with him. I told her what I told him, that I would have to think long and hard about it. Her response? "Well, you need a JOB first." Wha? Are you kidding? No shit I need a job. Like that wouldn't be first on my list of conditions pursuant to my sharing an apartment with him. Then she says, "You won't be able to afford it anyway." I mean, I know I owe her money, but my plan (and the reason I gave myself a six-month window in which to move out) is because I want to get a job, and for the first couple of months, just pay her as much as I possibly can. She's got this idea in her head that I'm going to live here forever, and that I'll pay her rent until the end of time. I mean, I'm 25; I'm already too goddamn old to be living at home, and she acts like that fact doesn't exist. Like she can keep me here forever with the fact that I owe her so much money it makes the national debt look like pocket change. For one thing, DS has all furniture and shit, so I would save a ton of money not having to buy any of it. Some of that money could go toward paying her off. It's not like I have to live at home to pay her back what I owe her. At the party, I don't know how we got on the subject, but my mom mentioned that a classmate of a friend's son had committed suicide, and he had been in the FIFTH GRADE. In her typical way, my mom simplified the situation, attributing the suicide to "problems at home." She said the kid hadn't been turning in any homework because everyone at home was too involved in their lives to take an interest in him. I brought up that it sounded like my seventh grade year, and told the story of how I had gotten a couple of F's on my report card, and immediately she cut me off, saying "Um, it was more than a couple." I felt like saying, "You don't come off sounding good in this story as it is, so you might want to hold that thought." Like, why is she trying to make me feel bad about grades I got a half a lifetime ago? Jesus. Then my sister chimed in with, "It was probably more like, "Fffffffffffff...d." Thanks. Like, I know I did shitty in school then. But hmmm... it couldn't possibly have anything to do with the fact that the same people who were making fun of me tonight about it were the ones making my life a living hell then. Of course not. Then on the way home, and I can't remember how this conversation got started either, I said that the reason I was dragging my feet on trying to sue my ex-boss for unlawful termination was that I didn't know if it would make me feel better. And if it didn't, it would probably only make me feel worse, no matter the outcome. Somehow this relates to the fact that earlier in the evening my mom was bitching (yet again) about the fact that my sister HB said something that pissed her off, and Mamatoo had told her that she kind of needed to get over it and accept that HB would always be like that, and will never change. I mean, there is a reason I call her "Hell Bitch." It's not just 'cause it sounds pretty. So her whole point is that no one can tell her to accept HB's behavior and move on, because it's up to her (my mom) to do that for herself, much like it's up to me to move on from hating my ex-boss (I'm not huge on the word "hate" when referring to people, but I can say without reservation that I do hate the woman). I was like, "I don't see how you can even compare the situations, since the thing with Ex-Boss was a one-time betrayal that pretty much fucked me financially." "Well, you've had a lot of problems since then." "I had a lot of problems before it happened. I don't think it's exactly fair to pin them all on her. And besides, you deal with HB all the time, and you work yourself up over her behavior constantly, and you're not hurting anyone but yourself. Mamatoo's just trying to help you see that." Complete silence the rest of the way home. Because if we don't let her pout about one thing, she'll find another to pout about. And there's always something in her world to pout about. 12:56 AM - 21 March 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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