lobsterchick's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Zzzzzzttt! This may very well fall into the area of Top Ten Most Hilarious Things I've Ever Witnessed. Much to DS's dismay, he features heavily in about seven out of those ten. And away we go... First you have to know that I refer to DS as "The Boy Who Cried 'Dead'." Every once in a while he will fake passing out and dying, to test my reaction, which is usually to keep on talking. Remember that later on when you start to think "Oh my God, what a heartless bitch!" The plans for today were this: Run errands, finish downloading the last two songs for my mom's birthday video, go buy a mother's day gift, then go to Dan's house to work on the video. We got hung up around plan number two because there weren't two songs that needed to be downloaded, there were 6. And because of DS's lame-o DSL connection,the time stretched from a half hour to an hour, to four hours. I kept sniping at him, telling him I felt like strangling him, etc., for not getting this done a month ago when he got the song list. He bore my prods quietly until, after about ten minutes of silence, I had to make one more comment. He broke. He threw the phone across the room, breaking it into about five separate pieces. After laughing at his childish behavior, I apologized for angering him, then took it upon myself to try to salvage what I could find. I found the battery, and saw that instead of popping out of the phone, intact, it had ripped free from its plug and was in possession of a beautiful set of frayed wires. I didn't think much of it, and set the pile of plastic, metal, and batteries on his ottoman. I sat back in front of the computer to stare at the laboriously slow download, when I heard the sound of plastic clicking. Since I had already warned DS about his hazardous battery, imagine my surprise when I looked over and saw him, his hand vibrating and his eyes wide. "Um, are you okay?" I asked. No response. I rolled my eyes, figuring this to be another one of his tests. Then I saw the battery smoking. I got up and went over to him, still not entirely sure if his reaction was real. He finally threw the battery down, convulsed once, threw his head back and passed out. Before I had time to consider what to do ("How do I call 911? The phone is broken!"), he came to. "Are you okay?" "My hand feels weird. It's tingling." "Is that all?" "I think so." "Maybe the shock jump started your kidneys." "Ha ha." "I'm serious." "You didn't seem too eager to help." "Oh, puhlease. For all I knew, it was all a big ruse." "I could have melted! Would you have still thought it was a joke?" "I could see you melting for a laugh." Pause. "Yeah, I probably would." There was quite a tussle then, over what to do with the battery. The exposed wire part had been charred, but since clearly neither of us is an electrician, we didn't know if it still posed a danger to the cat, so I (in my infinite wisdom and vague recollection of fourth-grade science class) picked the battery up with two DVD covers (plastic doesn't conduct electricity!). Then DS complained about my setting the still-smoking battery on the case to The Tick, and moved it to a newspaper. We finally agreed upon a less-beloved DVD case and left the still intermittently smoking battery there. "Does air conduct electricity?" I asked. "It does, doesn't it?" "I don't know, why?" "My fillings are tingling." "Gah! I wish you hadn't said that! Now mine are!" And then began the laughing. And the recreating. First of all, my reaction to almost anything traumatic is to laugh (imagine my mom's delight upon hearing "Hahahaha I just had my first car accident! Heeheehee!"), and secondly, DS has a particularly comical face. Whenever he yells at BT and me, we can't help but bust out laughing. He just tries to hard to be harsh and angry, and well, it's funny. After the incident today, I kept poking him and going, "Zzzzttt!" Oddly, he did not find this funny 11:23 PM - 07 May 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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